Thursday, March 13, 2008

sans titre

Sometimes a girl is so incredibly horny at work that she does not have the wherewithal to think about the things which matter most: family, the Internet, looking good, or yoga. And then she realizes that verily, the passage of time marks the face of all things.

Monday, March 10, 2008

Cam Bodge

Bamboo, Shamu
Tuna fish is canned food
Killa Cam will slam you
Chocolate food


I get koo koo for the Coco
Puff, puff, pass in slomo
No homo though
Dipset, so thorough

Sunday, March 9, 2008

Sheeeeeeit, partner.

Sometimes you are in your kitchen mixing cereals when you overhear your roommate discussing the democratic primary with his social psychologist friend, who just happens to study prejudice and bias. Maybe this social psychologist friend says that Obama speaks like Clay Davis. Maybe you laugh, and ask, "Did you just compare Obama to Clay Davis?" Maybe he seems confused that you laughed, but says, "Yes," and finishes his point (Re: Substance: Clinton = viscous, Obama = watery). Maybe the conversation peters out, maybe it dawned on him, maybe that's


Thursday, March 6, 2008

feelin kinda HAWNAY!

just now

and sometimes often, I went to sit down, but stopped myself mid-motion. already bent over at the waist, i failed to straighten back up and re-bend before resting my butt. it's not comfortable, I have to get up again. JUST THIS!

New York

Last night I took a little crust from NYU out for a drink. Throughout the day leading up, I was doing crazy preparatory things, like wiping my ass completely every single time, and not eating asparagus. Then, when the girl ended up looking like her dad, I was like...


Wednesday, March 5, 2008


I was buttoning my pants this morning, when I heard a hideous chirp coming from the wall. I went to put my ear up against the wall, but the console table was in the way.


Tuesday, March 4, 2008


Sometimes, people are not as aggressively savvy as you.
They can't be serious.

Oh my

You know how when you're texting someone and then, like, you experience some commonplace emotion...



My roommate didn't come home last night.

I said, "Did you get laid last night?"

He said, "I heard, never kiss and tell?"

I thought, "Gey." But I said, "So, who is she?"

He said, "Who is who? (chuckle) I never said anything happened."

I thought, "!"


who knew left was right?
dude knew, when first grew black from white,
little Jew fuzz and AG was like
"Pops its here I finally got it, my sack has little bumps atop it"
Pops said "Good, but boy that's called your scrodum"
(AG thought, 'gross! do other boys grow them?')
some things stay silent, violent rad,
so invert your phrases, and be glad
the dick you have, ain't the dick you had.

Boy penises grow into man penises!